Coloured Life

Even when a heart breaks the light can shine through

Will you paint my portrait ….I did and my colour grew

I have nothing here to hide

I see my life in colours

But do you know how I feel

I colour my crowd

I never shade what is real

Reality to the abstract

My inward colour is where I understand

I capture what I feel and I see

I will paint my portrait

I have nothing here to hide

People who I have loved

Can be seen around my eyes

I will paint and paint my life in colours

My portrait… Rocking Still……was the start

I am to paint all colours formed by life

God gave…

He gave me a hand an eye and most of all my heart…………………………..

SKY

 

 

 

 

 

I read this…. a statement…. copied it and thought to myself … I hope this is me…

 

‘Beauty in my opinion has nothing to do with looks

It’s how you are as a person ….and

It’s how you make others feel ABOUT THEMSELVES…..

 

look my heart is still

It’s not the end

Let the sky fall

When it crumbles

I will stand

Sky fall is where we start

where Worlds collide

You may have my name my number …but not my heart

I will stand Rock Still Tall Till My End

Momentarily stall

Bring me to my Rainbows End

Time is all………………………..

 

Don’t spend too long pondering on rocky shores….. and think that the reason why the shores are not calm …is because …Being… feels wrong.

Sky falls all the time… find the true colours for you…. Rainbows are pure split colour… people sometimes take too long to be split ; because they don’t wish to show the colours they conceal… be aware….. realise the colours inside are not always warmth …

 

Spending too long thinking colours which had been hardened because of the past….made me blind to reality…. but past is not an excuse for bad behaviour… which then is tried to be hidden behind.

I am not going to be dulled by a dull heart…. I need and deserve a true and warmer one … we all deserve that…..

 

Christmas is about warmth and hearts………….I was not with one who understood that…. my happiness is not to be with this…… 

 

Time now for my future path …2013…..colour is me……..

 

Reasons

It was my birthday on Dec 23 rd..

I have a twin sister who doesn’t talk to me…. who probably doesn’t even know this blog exists…….she fell out with me and leaves her heart where it is cold….. I have tried but it seems it cannot be reached…. giving up is all I can do now.

When Christmas arrives it can leave some interesting marks…. marks of light and shade and marks that are left with an edge of fuzziness…(not necessarily from the par-taking of alcohol)…..fuzziness is how I feel at the moment…. I feel like I am half rubbed away ….and my skin feels brazed and a little bruised.. and slightly grey inside… when it should be glowing with the warmth of love…………..

I have had a very odd time …. this last 48 plus hours… it has been interspersed with great anticipation and great sadness…. and a lump which stuck in my throat toooo long….

I didn’t have a present to open on Christmas day… I watched someone else unwrapping the warmth …but there was none given in return….

I have been inside a Cathedral in a very beautiful place which touched my eyes and soul…. and made me feel so warm

It ‘s horrible to feel cold… especially when the coldness is one which you don’t ask for… nor deserve

How I love candles and the glow they give with their beautiful aromas …..

I wish all warmth could always stay with us… but alas we will all be cold one day…

I heard something quite profound which made me listen …. it was about love… it went like this… and I thought about it when I entered the Cathedral two days ago…

‘If as a child you are not touched by love and therefore cannot recognise it …. in later life it takes longer to learn what its for…’ 

How true is this …me thinks….

I also heard this …….’ there are only two reasons we ever do anything…. one is love…the other is fear..’

I had a love once …. who is still in my warmth….he has only stepped away….

But this is what we all should understand…..’only those who recognise the smell the light and the warmth of love will hold it’…

Christmas …should be full of warmth…

Be WARM all of you …………….. 

This was a poem is one I wrote before the Christmas of 2012……it was about the person who nearly destroyed my life who was full of lies ….. I did not know it’s significance until I saw the Holly Tree being cut down in front of my eyes , on the morning of that December Year…. I had met this person under this tree years previously and he became a person who became very destructive and lied to me…. I feel the tree was meant to be cut down… as it was in Gods plan and it sat in his holy garden inside the church yard… and he knew( I feel )that this person was someone who had to be banished..thank heavens he was watching over me….I cannot believe how far I have come since that time …. my life is just full of amazing colour… and these colours are colours I should have had many years ago…so I am full in my soul and humbled by the power which we cannot touch only feel in our hearts………………….

The Holly Thorns

Christmas time….. Holly…. Stakes

Cut down tree in front of me….

Better now than never

Never would have been too late

Christmas church holly tree

Snow from a passing December year

Footsteps walked, coloured... strata

Now I walk a different sphere

Owned footsteps alone, I watch with voice surpassed

Passing by with Mary

Holding onto business plans……. I stand and view my past

Mary told about this tree and how it has been so consumed

Cutting down I witnessed in this morning noon

Was this meant for my eyes a closure on this mistake?

Had this been a plan this morn…. spirits arranging my walking date

It is now the third of December last year the snow was tall

User … Always…. Late

Walking In my land, tissues full of lies

A disguise a fate to fall

No more held footsteps

A passing out degree

A graduation, a pierced heart, a mind strong, not small in me

Now over finally with this new awakening dawn

I witness thorns broken….

A holly tree cut down

A reminder tremor of piercing torn

I want my life away from all abusive spines

I watch I vow this now

My passing out my sign

Forward only no looking back, no knots or ties

My white feather guarding

From those false and full of lies

A closure for all I measure… I recognize… disguise

Rainbows in Havana………………..diamond lights in the SKY

 

This photograph I took looking over Havana City …. arriving the day…Sandy the hurricane hit the East Coast of the Island… we in Havana were in the West…. it then went onto New York.

The sea was mustiness and rough… and very scary winds…. the hotel was 19 floors up and this was a view from the window around five o'clock in the afternoon .

The reason why I have posted it…is…. Rainbows seem to follow me around since I met the man I was with……. No Idea why… somebody knows???????

The day I arrived home I was then featured  on the Janice Long show … talking to Sara Cox on Radio 2…about my jet lag , Havana, Sandy the hurricane and my paintings … and my studio … it was amazingly weird the coincidence … I have lots of paintings I have brought back with me in miniature form about to be exploded …like the life and colours of a rainbow… excited about them… even though they are in my head….like diamonds in the sky……..